My hand turned me down
Say something about gay babies.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
