"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
