My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
