my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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