In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
