did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
