I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
