I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
