im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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