doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
