Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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