Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
