flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I could fuck to npr.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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