I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
