I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
