I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
