I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
