The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
