The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
