Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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