I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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