I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
