haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
