I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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