bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
