i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
