I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
