Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize