Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
