He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
