remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
