I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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