Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh god it's open bar.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
