At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
