We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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