don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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