look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
