you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
