why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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