I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
