If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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