Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize