she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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