He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
