Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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