It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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