I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
