she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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