I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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