I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
