I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
