What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
