If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
