I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize