When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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