you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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