While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She even gives head with a lisp.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
