So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
