Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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