It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
