So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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