I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
