I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
