i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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