Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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