I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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