So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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