just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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