just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
