I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
