Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm eating all of the evidence.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
