So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
