I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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