A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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